El Chigüire Bipolar (pronounced Chig-wee-ray) is a Venezuelan satire/comedy website similar to the Onion, named after South America’s largest rodent. This article has been translated from Spanish for our English-speaking readers.
The young man Jesús Roldán (23 years old), self-appointed Honorable Lifetime President of the Venezuelan Association of Comics, Anime and Other Content for Virgins, today published a study done by his organization showing that the dialogue between the Venezuelan opposition and the Maduro government has died more times than Kenny from South Park.
While waiting for his turn to compete in the 25th Edition of the International Grand Prix of Naruto Running, our underpaid intern slipped into the press conference to hear the statements of ‘Senpai Jesús-San’, as he likes to be called.
“The frequent power outages have made our fellow scientists play less League of Legends and instead devote themselves to their studies. That’s why they managed to prove that the dialogue has been beaten up more than Wile E. Coyote, has been revived more than Goku, and has died more times than Kenny from South Park. The data also shows that the dialogue does not have the ability to regenerate skin like Deadpool, nor Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton, nor the formula for immortality that former Vice President José Vicente Rangel possesses. That’s why every time the 7 dragon balls are gathered together to revive the dialogue, the bickering between the Maduro government and the opposition lasts for a little while, and then they kill it,” said Roldán — sorry, ‘Senpai Jesús-San’ — who then exclaimed, “Oh my God, they killed the dialogue! You bastards!”